Life has killed the Dream
by SophieSaulie
Summary: It all comes to a head. Sam faces Lillith and Dean faces his worst nightmare. WARNING: Character deaths. Title inspired by Susan Boyle on YouTube singing "I dreamed the dream" from Les Miserables.


**Life has killed the dream**

_I had a dream my life would be _

_So different from this hell I'm living _

_So different now from what it seems _

_Now life has killed _

_The dream I dreamed._

_-"I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables_

The devastation was horrific. Fire, the smell of brimstone thick in the air, the coppery taste of blood with every intake of breath, the scent of burning flesh, it surrounded everything. Dean was struck with a flashback of his time in Hell and it brought a shiver even in the heat all around him. He was propped up against a tree. Slowly, the memory emerging from his foggy mind and a rising pain began to remind him that he had not come through it all unscathed. He was too tired to assess whatever damage was there and just closed his eyes in exhaustion. It had been a bloody battle and Dean wondered if the casualties had been worth it. Another flash of memory stabbed him in front of his eyes, giving him a wicked headache.

"Bobby…" Dean whispered into the smoke of shattered lives.

A deep sense of loss hit Dean. Bobby had fought long and hard, side by side with him, but in the end, it had become too much for him and in a rare weak moment, Bobby had been taken down as he defended innocents against an onslaught. Dean had watched helplessly and had screamed his name as if it was a war cry. He had rushed to Bobby's side and held him, uncaring of what might strike him down as he stayed with Bobby to the end, never letting him feel alone, that the man he had considered like a father wouldn't die anonymously among the many.

_Flashback_

"_Bobby! Bobby, hold still, someone's coming to help you."_

"_Too old to be lied to…but thanks for trying," Bobby said, feeling himself fading away. _

_There was no pain, just cold._

"_Bobby, no, you can't do this to me, man. You can't leave me here alone to fight this," Dean joked and pleaded all at the same time._

"_Dean, get it through that thick head of yours, you're not alone…you never were…and you can do this. I'm proud of you, son…it's been an honor…to serve…" Bobby said as he took a final breath._

_Dean brought Bobby's body to his chest and allowed himself to sob. He knew that Bobby wouldn't want him to linger and get himself killed and the thought even brought a smile, but Dean needed to mourn. He needed to mourn the loss of a man who had stood by his side, had never questioned a favor asked of him, who had come to the rescue more times than he could count, and who was just as much family as his own flesh and blood. Bobby had deserved to be mourned. Bobby had earned that._

Dean looked around him then heard someone coming over to him. He followed the sound and there was Castiel, in his human form, bloodied, but alive…as alive as angels can be, he supposed. Castiel bent down to face Dean.

"Is it over?" Dean asked raggedly, exhaustion continuing to seep into his body weighing it down. "Is he…"

"Yes, Lucifer has been defeated," Castiel said almost too matter of factedly.

"Funny, I don't feel like we won," Dean said tiredly. "So, you here to put me back?"

"I don't understand."

"Don't pretend with me, Cas. You airlifted me from Hell for one reason. I screwed the pooch with the first seal so I needed to make it right. Lucifer's safe in his cage so now it's back to the pit for me."

"Is that what you really think? That you deserve to go back to Hell even after all you've done, even after saving humanity from Lucifer's domination?"

Dean hitched a breath as if to stop from crying.

"I've lost so much, Cas. I've done so much…to be honest, I don't know if I have it in me to keep living."

_Flashback_

_Dean watched as Sam smiled and turned away from him. He saw the darkness in his little brother's eyes and felt his heart being crushed in the grip of disappointment and loss._

"_Sam, please, you don't have to do this."_

"_Oh, yes, I do. I'm getting Lillith back for everything she's done to you and to me."_

"_Sam, listen to me! This isn't the way. Killing her won't change that I went to Hell, won't change that I broke the first seal. Don't you see? If you do this, if you kill her, you'll only be doing what she wants. She may not want to die, but if killing her will drive you over then she's won. Nothing good comes from vengeance. Look at Dad. Sam!"_

_But Dean could see that it was all too late. Sam was lost to him. Had been lost to him since the moment he had come back, probably from the moment he had gone to Hell. There was no coming back for Sam. _

_He watched his little brother, the baby that his father had entrusted into his arms to save from the flames of their burning home, from fire seemingly back into the fire again, the little boy he had helped to raise, had taught to ride a bike, whom he helped with his homework, it all seemed centuries ago now._

_And here they were, bracing to face Lucifer as Sam headed towards a firestorm that would surely consume him and destroy everyone around him. Dean was heartbroken. He had failed. None of the few successes they had achieved would make a difference, would make any sense if he had lost Sam to the dark in the end. Selfishly, he watched his dream of family die yet again. You'd think he'd be used to it by now, but he had always harbored a glimmer of hope that maybe they would overcome the insurmountable odds against it. Dean had never considered himself a foolish dreamer, but clearly, where his family was concerned, he had a blind spot. His dream was truly dead, salted, burned and buried. _

_Dean wanted to run after Sam, but Sam's powers had grown exponentially and he had pinned Dean against a tree. Dean had stopped counting how many times he had been pinned by a demon, but he hadn't expected his brother to do it too._

"_Sam! Please stop! Don't do this!"_

_Sam walked over to Lillith, ignoring Dean's pleas._

"_It's over Lillith. I'm stronger than you now. I'm going to kill you."_

_Lillith just smiled._

"_You think so?"_

"_I know so."_

"_Well, then give me your best shot."_

_Sam tried to work his powers to extract Lillith from her host like he had all the others, but nothing happened. Dean watched helplessly, struggling against Sam's invisible grip against him, but to no avail. _

_Lillith laughed at Sam's lack of effect on her. She produced Ruby's demon killing knife and waved it in front of Sam._

"_Maybe, you might do better with this," she taunted as she slid the blade across her neck, causing her to grimace in pain, but the wound only penetrating enough to bleed, not kill._

"_Silly, Sam. Haven't you learned your lesson about me? For a college boy, you sure aren't using those gifted brains of yours."_

"_Shut up! Give me that knife!" Sam demanded._

"_What? This?" Lillith said as she quickly nicked Sam's arm with it. Sam also grimaced, but he was shocked to realize that it wasn't just a simple cut, it was glowing just like her wound was, just like any wound exacted on a demon by the knife. _

_Dean watched what was happening and was both shocked and worried. _

"_Sam?" Dean called out with concern._

"_Surprised? You shouldn't be. All those Ruby cocktails you've been having…did you think you were just getting an extra power boost and nothing else? Tsk, tsk, Sammy, boy, not very smart of you. A little too drunk with the power those cocktails gave you, maybe?"_

_Sam's face lost its arrogance. He looked at Lillith and sudden realization was settling in. He started to back away from Lillith towards Dean._

"_Sam? Sam? Snap out of it. Let me loose."_

"_Oh, Dean, too late for that. Sam is no longer working his mojo on you. I am and I'll let you go when I feel like it."_

"_Leave my brother alone, you bitch!" Dean yelled with defiance despite his situation._

_Lillith just continued to smile then laugh._

"_Should've taken my deal, Sam. Oh, yeh, I would have had both your heads on a stick, but at least Lucifer would have been kept in his cage."_

"_What are you talking about?" Sam finally said, his shock slowly wearing off._

"_Remember when I said I wasn't going to see the final act? Did it ever occur to you to ask why? Probably not. Arrogance, Sam. It's your Achilles Heel. You just couldn't stomach the idea that Dean would steal your thunder. Oh, you put up this lovely little front about how worried you were that Dean wasn't the Dean before he left for Hell and that it was your job to save the world because you didn't think Dean had it in him. That's quite an ego you got there. Well, Sam, you were half right. Dean __**isn't**__ the man who left for Hell. He's a better man now. Why do you think it can only be Dean who can stop Lucifer and the Apocalypse? He started it, sure, by what you thought was weakness, but only he can end it and it's not because he has some special powers like you have, but because after he broke the seal, he felt remorse. He thinks he enjoyed torturing the others, but deep, deep down, where it counts, where his humanity is, he hated every moment of it. He wasn't cut out to be a torturer. He wanted to convince himself he liked it to punish himself for giving in. Everyone knew it down there. Alistair, he was too full of himself to think that anyone could resist him. Nope, he was pulled from Hell because he felt guilt. You thought he was being weak for feeling that guilt. Just like a demon would think, Sam," Lillith taunted._

_She laughed at the pain she was causing. She'd miss manipulating humans, especially Sam._

_"You see, I'm the 66__th__ seal, Sammy. If I die, Lucifer rises. Funny, how you thought you were the one who was going to bring me down. Sorry, no such luck. I get to do the honors myself. If I can't have you boys on a stick, then Lucifer can do it for me."_

_Lillith lifted the knife and plunged it into her chest._

"_NO!" both Winchester brothers yelled, but knew it was too late. Lillith crumbled to the floor, her body sparking and jerking._

_Dean felt her hold release him and headed towards Sam._

"_I…I didn't see it," Sam said in horror._

_Dean checked Sam's wound, but was more concerned at Sam's state of mind. Lillith had pulled out all the stops to mess with his head._

"_Sam? Sammy? I need you back with me, buddy."_

_Sam's glassy stare met Dean's determined one._

"_I'm sorry, Dean."_

"_It's not your fault. Lillith offed herself. She played the both of us, but good. You didn't do anything wrong."_

"_No, I mean, I'm sorry I doubted you."_

"_You had reason," Dean absolved._

"_No, I didn't, I just thought -"_

"_That Hell broke me," Dean finished. "It did, Sam. Lillith was just twisting things to get at you. Don't let her. We've got bigger things to worry about."_

_Sam didn't look convinced, but realization of what was going to happen next brought him back to the mission at hand._

"_How are we going to stop this?"_

_Dean looked around._

"_I have NO freakin' idea."_

_The ground started rumbling beneath them then Castiel appeared to join the brothers._

"_Cas! How can we stop this?"_

"_Only you can, Dean."_

"_A little more information would be nice, thank you!" Dean said in frustration._

_Cas hesitated._

"_**DO**__**NOT**__ tell me that it's need-to-know. I've had it up to here with that! Just be straight with me for once, damn it!"_

"_It's not that, Dean. It will be difficult…for you," Castiel said hesitantly. _

_Dean sighed in annoyance._

"_When has it been easy? I got past everything else. Whatever it is, I'll do it. Anything to stop this. Just tell me what I need to do."_

_Castiel admired Dean's selflessness even after being battered by Alistair, cruelly told that he, and he alone started and would have to shoulder stopping the Apocalypse. He had risen to every occasion when asked of him, but Castiel feared that to ask him to do this possibly last thing seemed completely unfair and one he wasn't sure Dean would do._

"_The prophecy says the righteous man who breaks the first seal must end it by offering a sacrifice for his sins in Hell."_

"_Yeh? And what is that supposed to be? I don't know what else I have to give."_

_Sam heard Castiel's words and knew the answer._

"_Me," Sam said._

_Dean looked over._

"_What?"_

"_You have to sacrifice me," Sam said almost calm._

"_No. No, that is NOT an option," Dean insisted, but when he turned towards Cas, he saw the grief in his eyes. "No, Cas, there HAS to be another way! I'd rather go back to Hell himself than kill my brother!" _

"_You have to, Dean," Sam said._

"_Are you listening to yourself? Do you really understand –"_

"_Yeh, I do and I'm okay with it."_

"_Well, I'm NOT!"_

"_Dean, look at me," Sam said as he showed Dean the cut that Lillith had given him, still sparking, but healing. "I'm a demon now or at least as much a demon as Ruby and Lillith were. I can never change that now. I can feel Lucifer coming, Dean and worse than that, I know that if you don't kill me, I'll join him in creating a Hell on Earth."_

_Dean watched the sad resoluteness on Sam's face. He was telling the truth._

"_No, no, you won't and you're not a demon. You're my brother."_

_Sam smiled softly and fondly at Dean._

"_The Sam that was your baby brother, the one you took care of all your life, the one you believed in no matter what, even when you questioned what I might become, is dead. He died when you did Dean. All that's left is this shell that has his memories, cherishes them, but who knows that he's not that Sam anymore. What I've done, I need to make it right."_

"_What YOU'VE done is NOTHING compared to what I'VE done, Sam. You don't deserve this!"_

_Dean was struggling to argue his point, to make Sam see that he was still the Sam who was his brother._

"_Yeh, I do, Dean. I choose to drink Ruby's blood and by doing it, turned myself into a demon. I've become what we used to hunt. Just like you said."_

"_No! You're not!"_

"_What little humanity that's left in me now is because you put it there with your belief in me and now I want to live up to that belief. I don't want to become a monster, Dean, remember? The world as we know it will come to an end if you don't kill –"_

"_THEN LET IT END!!!!!" Dean screamed, a mix of anger and desolation in his voice. _

_Dean had remembered the last time he had uttered those words, believed those words and now he was saying them again, meaning it just as much as he had back then._

"_You don't mean that."_

"_Yeh, I do," Dean said, tears streaming out of his eyes. "How can you ask me to do this?"_

"_Because I know you know it's the right thing to do and you've always done the right thing even when you didn't want to," Sam said, a small smile on his face. "Because I know you have to and that you will to save everyone. And I'd rather it be you."_

"_Sam…"_

"_Because I want it, Dean. I want my life to mean something."_

"_It does. To me."_

"_I know, but if I become one of Lucifer's Lieutenants then everything I've lived to preserve…everything you taught me will have been a waste and I can't live with that."_

"_Sammy…" Dean looked into his brother's eyes. "I'll be sending you to Hell…I don't know if I can do that."_

"_You won't be sending me there. I sealed my own fate. Not everything's your fault, you know," Sam said with another shaky smile. "I deserve to be punished for what I've done, but especially for not appreciating what I had." _

_Sam looked into Dean's eyes, his own filled with tears and he remembered how much Dean had sacrificed for him. He felt a peace come over him, knowing that it was about time he did that for Dean._

_Sam bent down and plucked Ruby's knife from Lillith's dead grip, Dean watching. He held the blade towards himself and faced the handle towards Dean._

"_Take it, Dean. You have to be the one."_

_Dean was shaking, his mind told him he had to hurry and do it, but his heart was dying inside of him. He was about to kill the only thing he had ever cared about in life, the last of his family. He might as well have been killing himself. Still, he took the grip of the handle and Sam let go._

"_Hurry, Dean," Sam said as he saw the torment raging in his brother's eyes. "It's really okay."_

_Dean walked towards him until the blade was pressing against Sam's stomach, but stopped just short of thrusting it into him._

"_This is FAR from being okay…" Dean uttered, his voice clogged with emotion. "I can't…"_

_Sam then placed his hand over Dean's on the grip._

"_Thanks for believing in me."_

_Sam then plunged the knife into him only uttering a small grunt of pain before pulling the blade out. Dean was in shock at first and at how quickly it all happened. Sam smiled at him and started to fall back, his body jerking and sparking. Dean caught him in his arms and helped him to the ground. Sam felt himself ebbing away, but took a quick look and smiled._

"_Jerk," Sam said._

_Dean swallowed his sobs back._

"_B…Bitch," Dean said as he watched Sam fade away in his arms, a horrific déjà vu of the last time he had caught his brother in his arms._

"_SAM!!!!!!" Dean screamed just as he had then._

Dean woke up bolt upright in his bed, breathing as if he had run a marathon. He checked his surroundings and realized that he was in a motel room and that he was unscathed. Sam was missing from his bed again and he found Castiel sitting at the motel table.

"Was that one of your 'Back to the Future' tricks again? Are you trying to tell me that's how it's all going to end? Because if it is -" Dean said, anger in his voice.

Castiel pondered for a second.

"It's one of many endings, Dean," he finally said cryptically. "I am only a messenger."

**FIN. Hope you liked it and will forgive the dream sequence ploy. I hope that it took you by surprise. I was torn at wanting to have a great angst moment kind of ending, taking the speculation out there and creating the ultimate worst case scenario for Dean and yet wanting to give him free will, that it doesn't have to end that way. Who knows how it will end, but hope you enjoyed my take on it. Thanks for reading as always! Reviews welcome and appreciated, as always.**


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